I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
