Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize