last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize