Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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