You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
