mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
