It's like God shit irony all over that family
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
