Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
