he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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