Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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