I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
