you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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