I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
