some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
