i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Less talking, more tequila
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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