so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
