I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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