my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
