there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
