Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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