He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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