No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
