very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Enjoy the penises
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
