did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My breasts were aching with rage.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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