dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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