Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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