Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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