the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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