Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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