Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
