the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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