Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize