she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
