Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
