plz talk dirty to me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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