How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
