she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize