So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
