I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
