You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
