In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
