Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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