ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
