Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
