he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
