i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
