I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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