So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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