I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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