i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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