I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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