i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
