You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
