I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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