i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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