Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize