Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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