once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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