..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who died my cat blue again?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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