i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
