You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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