So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
