FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
