You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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