So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
