i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
